HBIC: A How-To From Kate

February 29, 2016 10:05 pm

The Lady Boss has become a force in culture, government, business, and fashion for obvious reasons. Everything boys can do, we can do, oftentimes better, sometimes in heels.

From the aspirational comedy biffles Tina and Amy to PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi, who had the foresight to predict the consumer health shift years in advance, examples of the modern HBIC are plentiful (though, obviously, there need to be more). But today, we honor one of the original names in the game, Kate M.

Though her birthday was this past weekend, let’s be honest – Kate’s definitely one of those “birthday month” girls. How do you become a Kate-level icon of success and legacy? Don’t worry. It’s super simple.

1. Be independent. Like, straight out of middle school. When your mother tells you she is tired of traipsing around London helping you launch your multimillion dollar career, you say “k, peace”, and do it by yourself. Because you’re 14, and Boy George just invited you to a nightclub.

2. Be kind to people. Your lunch table crowd might look like a paparazzi’s rent check, but you’re still down-to-earth. And if ever you do need to vent, just ring Anna Wintour, because she literally will always answer your phone call.

3. Find good role models in your industry. Like Naomi Campbell and Christy Turlington, who would be happy to take you under their wing and act as your international babysitters.

4. Dress for success. But act modest about it. Like, when you were 16, and you just had to wear your little Galliano dress wherever you went because it was the only piece of designer clothing you had. All you had was that dress that Galliano personally gifted to you. You were just a struggling teenager like the rest of us.

5. Unwittingly become the face of cultural controversy, and then just ignore it. When the world is like, “eating disorders are YOUR fault” and “YOU invented drugs”, don’t complain or explain. You know it’ll die out, and you’ll come out the other end seven times more fab.

6. Unwittingly become the face of fashion trends, and own it. “I’m the one who created grunge chic? I mean, yes. Definitely. It was me.” (It was her.)

7. Win tons of prestigious awards for your career. Lest people believe you are not actually hard-working and talented. Because you are.

8. Then collect awards for David Bowie when he doesn’t feel like going. Collect his Brit Award for best overall British Male and wear one of his most iconic ensembles.

9. Free the nipple. Because Playboy asked you to pose naked. When you were 40.

10. Literally be immortalized. In the form of a painting that sells for well over $5 million.

11. But at the end of the day, use your power for good. By extensively supporting causes you believe in, such as the Elton John AIDS Foundation, Make Poverty History, Homes of Hope, and countless others.

Happy Bday, Kate!

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