Fashion Week FOMO.

March 4, 2016 9:12 pm

Guess where I wasn’t last week?

Paris. I wasn’t in Paris.

I was definitely, totally invited, but I was like, “rain check, Paris. I kind of want to stick around Manhattan and see how this whole super-storm thing plays out.”

So I had a wildly productive weekend stalking all the Fashion Week shows via the Instagram feeds of my real-life best friends Kendall Jenner and Elena Perminova.

There are vital lessons to be learned from the Couture fashion festival, and I’ve got the Cliff’s Notes version for you.

1. Unfortunately, No Makeup makeup will live to see another season. I have strong opinions on No Makeup makeup. It poses as a “natural look”, but have you seen the arsenal of supplies that goes into a faux flawless complexion? Dior did not just dab some Vaseline on the models and send them on their way. They spent hours creating the illusion of a model who had just been dabbed with Vaseline and sent on their way. In summary, this trend is diabolical but I’m still jealous that there’s a secret to creating cheekbones out of powder that I haven’t fully grasped.

2. Don’t be afraid of weird eyeliner. Guys, I think Chanel may have been making a statement with their eyeliner. And I think that statement was “can we all just calm down with the cat eye for a sec?” Their reincarnation of the ubiquitous trend, top-liner and bottom-liner intentionally missing their marks by a few centimeters for a floating effect, was decidedly current. I’m pretty sure they had a long hard think backstage about whether to add some glitter in there, and though they passed on the opportunity, you should not.

3. Got hair? Don’t care. While the lob is spreading like influenza across Pinterest boards worldwide, the style at Viktor & Rolf, Elie Saab and Versace was long and languid, slept-in and messy. For every long haired girl out there debating whether she should go for the chop, hold out. Your time will come again. In the meantime, invest in a tiara. I shouldn’t need to convince you to do that, but just so you know, Saab and Valentino both featured the royal headbands in their shows.

4. Unless you do care, then commit. Chanel complemented their futuristic eyeliner with a distinguished Star Wars inspired twist, Schiaparelli featured dramatically crimped “I Stuck My Finger in an Outlet but It’s Really Chic” styles, and Armani Privé gave a nod to vintage style with deep brunette finger waves. Go big or just don’t go.

5. Smokey eyes are still cool. Shocker. Let’s be real; everyone looks like a smoke show with some aggressive eye makeup happening. Versace went a little metallic, Saab went heavy on the bottom liner and we all breathed a sigh of relief that our go-to sexy look is still not yet basic.

6. Jean Paul Gaultier didn’t get the memo. Which is okay, when you’re Jean Paul Gaultier. With vampy red lips, teased updos and winged liner, his show was a throwback to punk glam. Moral of the story, you just do you.

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